This past August, my daughter spent an incredible week at a bereavement camp for kids through Experience Camps. It’s hard to believe that beforehand she passionately did not want to go the camp. But I’ve since learned that is a pretty typical reaction for first-time campers.

I first heard of the camp through a friend whose child had had a great experience at their one-week grief camp. The camps are free, funded by donations, and take place in August at camp facilities in California, Georgia, Maine, Maryland, Maui, Michigan and Pennsylvania. They are just like “regular” camps with activities including swimming, rock climbing, tennis, archery and arts & crafts, but then they also have a daily sharing circle with grief specialists. To me, it sounded ideal. To my daughter, it sounded miserable, and she refused to go, saying she was “fine” and didn’t need or want any grief counseling. It has been six years since her dad died, so it’s true that she seems fine, but I had read that kids who lose a parent when young are often affected by their loss again at key milestones, like a big birthday, graduation, their wedding, etc. In case her grief resurfaces, I wanted her to have coping skills and access to a community.

Despite her protests, I applied last October for her to go to the Pennsylvania-based camp this summer, had an intake call a few weeks later, then found out in November that she was on the wait list. Rather than wait to see if a spot would eventually open up in Pennsylvania, I switched her to the Maryland camp, which had an open spot for her age group.

As the summer approached, she tried to find ways to get out of going to the camp. I typically don’t sign up my daughter for camps she doesn’t want to do but, in this case, I felt strongly that it was an amazing opportunity and insisted she go. I promised, though, that if she didn’t have a great time, she would never have to go again. She promised that she would have a terrible time and would not participate in the sharing circles.

On departure day, I drove her to the designated bus stop in Maryland (all campers must arrive by bus). When it was time to get on the bus, I waved goodbye as she scowled, telling me that she was mad at me for making her go. I told her I loved her and to have an open mind. I walked away, hoping I hadn’t made a mistake. Every night that she was gone, since the camp didn’t allow devices or communication with campers, I inspected the photos uploaded by the counselors to see if she was smiling and seeming like she was having fun or if she looked uncomfortable or miserable. I found signs of both and worried.

Finally, it was pickup day, and caregivers were invited to join the closing ceremony. I sat in the back row and spotted her sitting towards the front, whispering to the girls on either side of her. In that moment, I knew she had made friends and must have had at least a decent time. After the ceremony, she took off running with one of the girls, which confirmed my suspicions.

During the four-hour car ride home, she gave me a play-by-play of the week and talked nonstop about how much fun it had been, how nice the girls were, and how she definitely wanted to go back next year. She FaceTimed with one of her new friends later that evening.

Two weeks after returning home from camp, she said that she thought the camp had changed her. We live in a homogeneous, generally well-off town, and her camp had been much more diverse. She asked me how some kids at school could be so focused on unimportant material things when others didn’t have a parent or even any parents at all. I believe her own situation hadn’t prompted these thoughts before (or else perhaps not recently) because she had had six years to process the loss of her dad, whereas for many kids at camp, their loss was more recent and they were still actively struggling. I told her that the timing of her loss had an impact too. The younger you are when your parent dies, the easier it is to process. Losing a parent during the tween or teen years, already a challenging time emotionally, would likely be more difficult.

The positive experience she had at camp and the perspective she has developed since far exceeded my expectations for the camp. In my wildest dreams, she would continue going to the camp through high school and then become a counselor there. But, for now, I’m just happy she had a great time.