Kids are going back to school or already back in school, which means it may be time to tell your kid’s new teacher(s) about the loss of your partner/spouse. Especially if the death was within the last few years or your kid is in elementary school (where they typically have the same teacher all day), you may find it helpful to tell their teacher so they can understand any additional support your kid needs, and their teacher will surely appreciate having the context.

My daughter was in second grade when her dad died of a heart attack. Incredibly, her teacher at the time had also lost her dad to a heart attack at the same age. She took extra special care of my daughter, in part because she could relate in a way no one else could. When my daughter started third grade, she was assigned a new teacher, so I emailed her before school started to let her know that my daughter had lost her dad the year before. I found it easier to email rather than to call and actually say the words out loud. I thought it was important to tell her teacher so she could (1) avoid saying or doing something that would make my daughter sad or uncomfortable (like organizing a daddy-daughter event), and (2) have context in case my daughter became upset in class for no apparent reason.

I had also requested that the school place my daughter in a class with her best friend who had been a strong source of support for her. While the school did not accommodate my placement request (something I still don’t understand to this day), they let us meet with her new teacher in advance and visit the classroom, which made her feel more comfortable. She stayed with the same teacher in fourth grade so I didn’t need to tell anyone new then.

When my daughter started fifth grade, which is middle school in my town, I gave a heads up to the school psychologist/counselor but not her teachers. In our middle school, kids have a different teacher for each subject, but by then I thought my daughter was “ok” and didn’t need any additional support from her teachers.

My daughter just returned from a week of sleep away camp with Experience Camps (a grief camp for kids who have lost an immediate family member), and they sent caregivers this template for a letter to share with teachers. Experience Camps gave me permission to share the letter, so feel free to leverage it if it helps.